Yeah so now i am depressed. . . big fucking sirprise there so anyway i think i shoudl be okay wrting here seeing as i never do anything so no one ever checks this, but i feel really, lonley. yeah i know typical, a lonley teenager. i geuss i just think i'm special becasue it really sucks and no one gets it, the way ti is for me i mean. but i dont knwo if it's the same as every oen else or what but if it is i feel bad for everyone. anyway i just really wanna connect with someone it doesn't have to be on a sexual level or anything like that, thougth it woudl be nice, btu i really just wanna click with somebody. but a) there's no one even out there most likley and B)i always fucking scare ppl off and when i don't i end up fucking them up and they end up getting fucked up. lovly picture isn't it? idk and i really don't care half the time, i'm in a place now where i could go up stairs right now and slit my wrists and be really happy about it, i kwo i would regret it later but i woudl be happy for now woudln't i? and that's all i want, to be happy but without fucking things up, i think it's to late for me now. i think everything and everyone especially her has gotten to me. i'm not the person i was and i won't ever be again, i see how i have changed and i hate it but there isn't a thing anyone can do about it. everyone hates drama and i do too but i thrive on it. i think the only way for me to actually connect with a person is if there is some hope i have that i coudl connect with them and then if they got up in my face about shit. like why the hell are you so depressed?! just like that! no one ever seems to care anymore they are all so apathetic, even with sucicidal friends you pretty much just sit there. so sit there and watch me slowly kill myself becaseu RIGHT NOW i am RIPPING myself APART and i don't think there's anythign anyone can do about it! but no one has ever tried, this is getting relaly redundant BAD LIV BAD! i don't knwo what's wrong with me but i hope some day i have the courage to change it and maybe someone to help me along the way.